When Fear Comes Lurking
Fear, old friend. Welcome back! A part of me really wishes you’d stay away for good and yet you continue to re-surface, here to teach me another truth about myself and how I show up in the world…
Little story for you…I was invited to facilitate a Shadow work weekend in North Carolina last week by a friend of mine I knew from our trainings together. Seeing a direct manifestation of my intention for 2016, I leapt onto that train and said YES emphatically. Leading up to the weekend, including the grueling day of travel and driving, my strong, independent, confident selves were all online, guiding the show, so to speak. It wasn’t until I began facilitating with my friend, who is an experienced and skilled process facilitator, that another voice began creeping in…
Fear…
I saw it right away. Felt the all-too-familiar gripping body sensation that takes place whenever that part of me feels it doesn’t know enough, or will screw things up badly. And here I was guiding others into their own feelings of shame and self-hatred and guilt. Part of me felt like a big ol’ phony.
“Hello fear. How are you? What is it you’re afraid of?”
During my off-time from facilitating, I asked the questions and listened patiently to the responses that continued to grip and tug at my gut.
When that part had emotionally purged its message, I asked it what it really wanted for me.
To my surprise, what it really wants is for me to study more and learn this stuff impeccably so that I can show up and BE ALL OF ME. It surfaces as a reminder that I’m still playing small at times and thwarting my own greatness. When I embrace my intellectual prowess, this in combination with my other already strong skills in heart connection and emotional guidance, will open the doorway to who I’m here to be.
Go figure…
So I’m digesting this teaching, as if from a valued, esteemed mentor. Fear has given me new medicine to swallow and I’m taking it without needing to sweeten or soften it in any way. Straight up – bitter and powerful.
Next time you feel afraid, take a moment to stop and ask it what it has to say…This old friend may just surprise you with its wisdom…
From my heart to yours, Nathalie
